The Cat Came Back

Look what the cat dragged in... himself.

When I was little, I would sometimes watch, I believe it was, the Disney Channel. Or maybe it was Nickelodeon.  Doesn't matter.  There used to be a little cartoon short, it was about this old man who had a cat and would try various things to get rid of it (like tying it to a hot air balloon), but the cat would always always come back.  The theme song went like this: The cat came back the very next day, the cat came back, they thought he was a gonner, but the cat came back the very next day, the cat came back he just couldn't stay away.  Sometimes my love life feels like that. (oh, and they probably took that short off TV cause it was kind of sending abusive messages about how to get rid of a cat).

It has been a little while, of which I will be the first to confess the lack of "action" I have had this past week and a half.  All of the sudden, it seemed like all of the guys in my life were in some sort of transcendental bottleneck- all stuck in a position unobtainable to me.  And so it went.  And I was A-OK with this, because I figured, if I was unable to be alone with myself, then it would go to reason that I was in no shape to be in a relationship.  It was just to not be so.  

And so it went.  I was, well, not happy but satisfied with where I was, laughing at all of the guys stuck in the aforesaid "bottleneck" because I made the realization that most of them were just as trapped, at least emotionally, as I was.  To further illustrate this- My Ex keeps calling me.  As much as I enjoy his friendship and company, his presence can often hinder me from, well, what ever guy scenario should present itself.  And because I have been hanging out with friend-of-a-friend almost every other day now, that seems like it could be a problem.  But I thought- screw it!  I can hang out with Ex just as a friend.  After all, he is, since I have been in Seattle, the person I have most consistently and for the longest period of time been friends with now.  

I told him that I would go to The Shining with him and I also offered him to tag along with me to Bloc Party.  Yippee!  That should be enough for him, right?  Wrong.  At 3:00 in the afternoon he started calling me to hang out with him.  I respectfully declined, but reassured him that we would see the movie and get to hang out then.  As if this wasn't enough, he called me for dinner as well- to which I reminded him that I was busy (bold face lie) and I would see him at the movie.

I ended up going to Bauhaus with Wifey after our romantic dinner for two*cough cough* (oh, at which one of the servers gave us a complimentary dish courtesy another server).  And wouldn't you know who just happened to show up at Bauhaus whilst we were enjoying some sort of solemnity?  Ex.  For the simple reason, admitted on his part, that we were there and he didn't want to hang out with his other friend.  

*Side note: I had dinner with him the other day, to which he also readily admitted to blowing off his current girlfriend, who wanted to have dinner with him, so he could have dinner with me* 

While we three were at Bauhaus I receive a text message.  I found this rather perplexing considering the only people who ever really text me are, well, sitting at my table.  And wouldn't you know it, Friend-of-a-friend asking me what we are up to.  This is monumental.  He has never really text messaged me first.  I respond with our plans- Bauhaus now, drinks in a minute, then the movie.  He tells me he is with a friend and we should join them.  Fuck.  Part of what makes my dating life miserable, but sort of successful now (and I have accomplished this through mistakes in the past), is the fact that I avoid having two guys from my sorted dating affairs in the same place at the same time.  But I just could not pass up an opportunity to see Friend-of-a-friend though an hour or so earlier, I told Wifey that I was getting over him.  Ooooops.

We met up.  It was awkward because Ex was getting uncomofrtable and a bit hostile towards Friend-of-a-friend at times.  We ended up not going to the movie because Wifey was too afraid to go, I didn't want to be left alone with the Ex, and I didn't want to leave Friend-of-a-friend.  So we all stayed and drank- a very small amount, mind you.  

Wifey's car was back down at Bauhaus, which was a few blocks from where we were at.  We told FOAF we would give him a ride to his place, and wouldn't you know who just had to tag along?  Ex.  Godah Dam Mitt.  It didn't even make sense for him to get a ride from us because he had to walk further to Wifey's car then he would to walk to his own- which was in the opposite direction of where we were parked anyway.  And then, to make matters worse, he kept trying to get me to take a ride home with him.  I refused numerous times.  

And what happened next is probably the only real thing worth reading in this post.  

To start out, one of my major complaints with my "love"(ha) life is the complete paradox of it all: I can't seem to find anyone, and yet I can't seem to get rid of the ones that I have dated.  Which makes me think, how did I get those guys in the first place?  Why can't I get more?  Why does it seem as though I don't have any?  And then why wont they leave me be after we are through?  I mean, lets face it, even Speed Dumper, who "broke-up" with me via text message after we had only known each other for an hour or so took it back and wanted to "get back together and work things out".  I don't understand.  

This being stated- Wifey and I got back to my apartment.  I receive a text message from Ex.  He is talking about how he is glad we can still hang out, blah blah fucking blah.  I get bored with his text so I check my myspace in the mean time.  One new message.  Yippee!  Wait!  Hold on!  It is from the 19 year old!!!!  The message is simple and reads like this:

Subject: I...

Body: I miss you.

Ha!  How does this happen?  Why do they come back to me?  And again, how is it that I can't manage to get guys, but I can't get rid of them either?  Beats the fuck out of me.  I am left scratching my head on this one.  

One final note- 31 deleted me from his friends list on facebook.  I don't know why I took offense to this.  I was the one who ditched him, and yet I am slightly offended that he deleted me as a friend.  19 year old did this too, and look what happened- a month later he decides he misses me.  I have no clue what, or if, I am going to say in response to that.

Escape Artist

They're as thick as thieves, these two...

Set Change/New Location: The Garage; Anna Purna'

s; Red Robin

Last night was my date with the 31 year old.  I really didn't want to go all that much.  Slowly I have started to make realizations about what I want, why I am

 looking, and why I can't find what I am after.  The one thing dating has given me the courage to do, is not to settle.  However, this still conflicts with my need to be nice- give everyone a shot- be everyone's friend.  And it is exactly this factor that I struggled with last night. 

The day started late.  Wifey and I decided to go down to Red Robin on the pier, which, I assure, is by no coincidence where the three friends (friend-of-a-friend and the other two gentlemen that we drank with) work.  After all, I did tell the two boys the night before that I would come in that day and visit them.  I... I am good to my word!  Two of them were working there, including F-o-a-f.  On accident, we were given the kids menu.  It worked in our favor though when we decided to color pictures for the boys to put up in their apartment.  And though they were working, they made quite a bit of conversation with us.

After our Red Robin tryst, we went to Bauhaus to kill the time we had before my date.

The date itself started at Anna Purna's- an Indian Food restaurant on Broadway.  I thought, if nothing else, this is a sweet gesture on his behalf, because on our first date I had mentioned that I would like to go to India due to the vegetarian options that would be provided.  The food was flavorful, but the conversation was bland.  

We went to the Garage afterward to play pool.  I said that, since he bought dinner, I could spring for drinks.  Mind you, I decided to drink not but a few hours after I made the proclamation to never drink again.  But I needed to.  There was just no attraction to this guy- he was too old for me- and for some reason I started to get creeped out a little.  At one point in time (I think it was when he was making so many sexual innuendos with pool; basically anything involving balls, sticks and holes.  So cliche) I said under my breath "oh god, I need to drink this faster".  

After two games I excused myself to the bathroom (primarily because I had to pee, but wanted to finish my drink before I did) and called my Wifey.  I told her to come and save me.  She asked if I was in the bathroom and my response was "fuck yes I'm in the bathroom.  Duh!"  Ah, Wifey to the rescue!  It is like we are married.  I told her not to reveal just yet what her plan of attack was because I didn't want it to seem premeditated, and if I knew, I might over think it and ruin the believability of it.  

She came in.  Was "surprised" to see me there.  He asked if this was my wifey (ok, now the only reason he would know this is if he has been heavily facebook stalking me... which, I forgot to mention, at dinner he relayed back to me my past three or four facebook status updates by dropping them at various points in our conversation....)  She said that she was meeting up with some friends there.  I told her she could wait with us until then.  She waited a little while- pretended to be on her phone a lot, just kind of hung out, and then said that one of our Boy Watcher's Club friend's was sick and needed us to take him to the hospital.  She said he kept trying to call me but I wouldn't answer and that his roommates were out of town.  

I tried to make it seem like I wanted to stay.  And at first I was a bit aloof about the whole situation-  oh, it is just so-and-so, he is probably just drinking again.  And things like, "oh, well, why don't I just meet you there" to which Wifey responded with "I can't carry him alone" etc.  So here we were, sort of arguing, and then I started to get emotional.  I was wearing contacts and one of them started to slip, which naturally made my eyes look glazed, but was not on purpose.  Then I said, well should we go or should we stay (mistakenly to the whole room), and 31 year old said (thinking this was in reference to him and I), "I think we should go, it might be an adventure".  Shit!  How was I going to now get out of him coming with us to the hospital?  I just said sharply, "Wifey, we have to go now!  We are his friends, he why are we still waiting,  we got to go get him!".  

I apologized to my date.  He went in for the hug and kissed me on the cheek, but then awkwardly waited for more.  I was not going to be baited in for that, so I turned around, grabbed my purse, and bolted.  We ran to her car, got to my car, tried to covertly pull my computer out of my trunk (just in case 31 year old was on his way by), and headed to Bauhaus where we met up with our "sick" friend.  It was also plotted out that he, today, will write on my wall some sort of praise or thanks for "helping me out".  Blah, Blah, Blah....  And all would have been extra-smooth, if I wouldn't have left my goddamn tab open at the Garage.  Why did I do that?  I knew I only wanted one drink.... fuuuuuuuuuuck.  It was fine, however, because we went back after Bauhaus closed and retrieved it.

After that, Wifey was going to take me back to my car so i could go home when she got a text message from the guy she made out the other night (who are you's friend).  He was telling her about this new mattress he received today.  So, instead of dropping me at my car, we drove around Belltown texting back and forth with him, knowing full well we were leading him on.  There was some sort of retribution in this though, because this was clearly a guy who plays women himself.  And another note, as we were driving through Pioneer Square, wouldn't you know who we saw at a pub down there, picking up a curly-haired brunette?  The Pickup Artist.  So we text messaged him an eerie detail of what he was doing at that moment, and then drove me back to my car.

  

One Note Wonder

There is a difference between:

Cocky

and

Confident 

31 messaged me again:  

We are sooooo mutually agreeable... amazing.
You're easy to talk to as well... the words just flow into you.
I want to read his (David Sedaris) book about being a santa... have you read that?
Do you like to play pool at The Garage(Cap hill)? I'm no Minnesota Phats... but it is fun anyway. Would Friday or Saturday evening work for you at all? I want to see your skills.

g'nite,

31

I responded that Saturday was fine...

I went to Bauhaus almost 2 hours ahead of my Wifey today.  While I waited, I talked to a friend in Colorado via video chat and played speed scrabble... by myself.  I figured, maybe this will be a good conversation starter, if nothing else.

The Pickup Artist came back.  He really only knows how to talk about one thing- picking up women.  *Yawn*  He talked a lot about the book "The Game" and how great it was.  Being as me, my Wifey and the members of BWC all come from a Jesuit institution that promotes, among many things, social justice (which, yes, can relate to Women's issues)- and we felt as though we had been educated on the social constructs behind "The Game"... we were not impressed.  The Pickup Artist also let us read the e-news letter he subscribes to which is all about how to, yet again, get the ladies.  He kept referring to those guys... you know.... the ones who sleep with a lot of women (more or less) as Naturals.  I just call them ass holes.

Here is the thing- if you need a manual to pick me up, then I probably don't want to date you.  Yes, sure, everyone has their insecurities... but when you have to mask them, instead of confront them, and in a way that makes you come off as an asshole... then, me, as a self-respecting feminist, will not bite that bated line.  I would like to see that in one of his news letters.  

And, alright, sometimes I am obvious about checking out guys (I can't help it), but he was overly obvious about checking out girls.  In fact, he would loudly comment about them- whereas I just oggle and drool.  I mean, maybe we are just different people.  

He also tried to show us this post about how a guy should not compliment a girl- unless they really do something to deserve it.  I bet you nine out of ten girls would punch a guy for not complimenting them ever.  Both my Wifey and I talked about this, and we agreed it seems like a stupid move on a guys part.  Granted, I don't like an excessive amount of flattery- but it is still nice to get every now and then.  I am not trying to win a boys affection- it should just be mutual respect and admiration that is gained.  Call me idealistic....

Lastly, I don't want to have to deal with guys who are playing a game with me.  Regardless of how it may come off, I am not trying to play games with guys.  I am a simple girl looking for someone who is naturally themselves- not a natural player, and who doesn't need to play games to get me interested.

Oh, and final note:  Maybe it was because he was tall, or maybe he was trying to subtly make a move, but somehow (and I don't want to jump to the conclusion that it was on his behalf), his legs kept making their way under mine.  Keep your legs on your own damn side of the table!  Geezuz Cry-st!

31 Flavors

*Insert Witty Headline Here*

In my search of...well, whateverthehell it is I am searching for.  Asfaras dating, in Seattle, everyone is too shy, too busy, or too cool.  You: Be whoever you are.  It doesn't matter much, honestly.  Those who are genuine impress me.

 22, #139583

-or so read my personal ad in the stranger.  You can pick up a copy for yourself this week, if you would like.

New Character Entrance: The 31 Year Old.  

In response to: The Stranger Ad

Today was my date with 31 year old- or 31 for short now.  It is weird for me to think of him as the same age as my older brother.  I don't know how I feel about that.  I think if I didn't understand the complexities of trying to find people to date in Seattle, I would wonder why the hell a 31 year old would be responding to a 22 year old's ad.  But it makes more sense to me now, then ever before.  

Prior to our meeting, we had been in communication via facebook.  Facebook: A social utility that connects you with the people around you.  We had arranged to meet today for coffee at Vivace.  It took me a good five minutes to get out of my car, and another 5 to walk 20 feet to Vivace.  After the luck I have been encountering with the meeting of people, needlessly I was hesitant.  

I arrived earlier than 31, which was what I hoped would happen.  I hate having to scope out a room when looking for someone, as it makes me feel awkward.  I forgot to pick up the stranger (or any other paper for that matter) on my way in.  I mean, what do you do while waiting for someone you have never met before?  You can't order already...that would be impolite.  I attempted to text message people to kill some time.  I only really had to wait three or so minutes, so it wasn't bad.  

Unlike the other's I have been on dates with recently, 31 was polite enough to by my drank for me.  We sat sort of out of the way, in the back.  I ordered an Americano- which was the first time I had ever really had one.  I think the Beastie Boys said it best when they lyricized "I like my sugar with coffee and cream".  Unfortunately, an Americano has neither...infact, it is on the polar-opposite end of the spectrum, but I made it through it.  Infact, I "shot" the last 1/4 of it in one go.  I can't help but to think of the awkward faces I was making while drinking it.  Never again.

At one point in the conversation..never mind, it was probably with in the first two sentences of the conversation he asked if he was "what I thought he would be like".  I told him that I don't really try to get a mental image of strangers any more- and, being as I have already seen his facebook photos,  he was pretty true to those photos.  I guess, truthfully, the only thing that threw me off a little, was that he was a bit shorter than I expected him to be...but hey, when you graze just above 5 feet yourself, height really doesn't matter all that much.  

Other information that you may want to know: 31 is a software designer for retail companies.  He actually helped design/program some of the software that we used to have at my old job in retail.  He travels to Korea a lot for work- or so I gathered.  The weirdest thing he ever ate was octopus in Korea that was uncooked and still moving when he ate it- though some what cut up.  One of his goals is to design a shirt for Threadless.  

After our coffee, we went across the street to Cal Anderson.  We took a little walk around the park and then sat in the grass and talked.  Our "date" lasted about two and a half hours total, which is a fair amount of time for a first date, I would say.  We talked about everything, from physics to metaphysics, movies to music...the usual.  One of the things that this whole dating process has made me discover about myself is the amount of talking time I have.  It has helped me actively try and really think about when I should talk and when I should allow others to talk.  There wasn't really any dead time during our conversation- which I think of as a good sign.  I didn't feel awkward or uncomfortable at all (aside from the closure of our date).  He told me that he would take me indoor rock climbing, and that I could do it for free- if I wanted to, as it is one of his hobbies.  I think I might just take him up on that offer.  I think 31 would have invited me to dinner, should I not have had dinner plans with Ex already (which, as it is now almost 8pm, are still yet to unfold).  

He made a lot of eye contact.  He didn't stare at inappropriate places on my body.  There was a lot of little flirty moves,  but nothing that made me uncomfortable.  We got up to part ways.  We hugged...which was slightly more than a friend hug, considering the placement of arms and proximity.  I had the feeling he wanted to kiss me to end the date- as I went to leave for my car.  In fact, I could tell he was thinking about it at least twice.  In the midst of this awkward tension, I eased my way towards my car, and avoided that situation.  Wifey asked me if I would have kissed him...I don't know...I really don't.