Ex Marks the Spot

In the game of tic tac toe, it is only mathematically possible to put down five X's before you win, loose, or draw.

Enter New Character: The Ex's "girlfriend"

I was invited, by The Ex to go watch him preform some songs at a gig he was playing tonight. I agreed. I failed to ask if his new girlfriend would be there. If I would have known ahead of time, I may have said no.

I got there early. So early that the person opening for EX and his friends wasn't even playing. I decided I was going to write a letter to a friend who had moved to the Midwest to be a camp counselor for the summer. I almost forgot that I was planning on doing this, just before I scurried out of the house I grabbed the first thing with blank paper I could find so I would be able to compose that letter. This blank paper happened to be one of my journals.

I hadn't remembered the last time I wrote in it. In fact, the thought didn't even cross my mind. I sat down in Mr. Spots Chai House- where the gig was supposed to be- opened my journal, and for no reason just started balling (silent as it was, it was still more than noticeable). I had to leave the building. I realized, once outside, that, by chance, I opened to my last entry- which was what I wrote right after my friend died last year. I want to think that there was so much emotion drained into those words I wrote, that it flooded back to me and was the reason for why I was crying.

After I composed myself, I went back inside and wrote the letter I had initially planned to. Not long after that The Ex and some of his friends who were supposed to be performing with him came in. No girlfriend. Not yet. Not that I could see any way (and through my own little snooping- via facebook- I already knew who she was). We sat and talked for a little while. I had a feeling his girlfriend might show up so I told him that I could only stay until 10. I asked him where his girlfriend was, and if she was planing on showing up. He told me that she was, in deed, planning to- she was just going to be a little late. I felt relieved that I had already developed my excuse to leave prior to finding out this information. I mean, it might look a little suspicious if I came up with some concoction after he told me she was going to be there.

It was around 5 minutes to 10. No GF and EX was still not playing. I told him I was really sorry, but I was probably only going to be able to stay for a song or two. He told me I had to stay until he played his new song. I agreed to do that. As he was preparing to play his set (as it was now 10:00 and he told me his show started at 8:00 pm in the first place. Liar), I see the new love interest pull up on her bicycle outside. Ok, I only have to stay for two songs. The first song he plays is his new one. He says "This song is called...and he used my name". "Ah Shit" I am thinking. Here he is singing a song about me (or at least named after me) in front of his new catch-of-the day. Just my luck. As I am listening to the lyrics I pick up on these specific ones "Punch you in the mouth and shove your ego down your throat". Glorious. Thanks for that 'lil shout out there. I left after the next song with out even so much as look at his new lova, but I did manage to make my exit known with a very boisterous wave and goodbye.

I go home- not really even upset, but mostly amused. I check Craig's List M4W (which is a guilty pleasure I have been doing for a few weeks now... almost like checking the I Saw You section in The Stranger, and wouldn't you know who I see there? The 19 Year Old! His ad says he is looking for someone to cuddle, preferably "tonight". I couldn't resist, I text message him and say "I see you have resorted to posting on Craig's list now". I also tell him, just to clarify things, that it if there was any confusion before, he should know by now that we are completely through. To which he responds "Have fun with your lame ass friends" which I shoot back at him "I hope your video games keep you warm at night". And that was the end of that.

After that encounter, I decided I would try and be bold- try and go out by myself. I failed. I drove to Capital Hill and parked my car. It was almost 11:30 now. From the streets I could tell that there were a lot of people out-and-about. I wondered what all of the commotion was. Being as I had never drank in a bar on Capital Hill (or by myself, let alone), I chickened out. I also realized that it was Pride weekend (hence why it was so busy), and the only people I would probably be picking up would be girls. I just walked around for 15 minutes or so, glumly got back in my car and headed back to the U District.

Dinner, Party of One

"Find me a man who is interesting enough to have dinner with and I'll be happy"

-Lauren Bacall

Enter new character: Speed Dumper (Like Speed Dater in Reverse)

I had a dinner party today. I don't know if disaster is a good or bad way to describe this shindig that I decided to put on. Here's the set up: I decided to throw a dinner party, invite some friends, and invite The Ex and the 19 Year O

ld, who I was currently seeing. I don't know if I am just masochistic or if it was curiosity, the kind of curiosity people have with oh, say, insect fights. Regardless, I was experiencing those feelings.

And I suppose I wanted to entertain those feelings as much as I wanted to entertain my dinner guests.

Somewhere along the way during my preparation, I start text messaging our new character Speed Dumper. This is a guy that I don't really know, but for whatever reason he has my number and, throughout the night, was rapidly text messaging me. He said he needed a place to stay for the night, in exchange for his Cranium playing skills

. I told him that there was no way that he could stay in my house. Let's face it- I would not ever let a stranger stay in my house under these particular circumstances (or almost any, come to think of it). If nothing else I respect the rights of my roommate more than that.

So here I am text messaging away- all the while trying to shower, go to the store, clean, and prepare food- B

ecause this guy would not stop for one minute. I am sure my dad is going to love the phone bill for this month. Needless to say, I only got to "go to the store" on the list of things to do before my guests arrived. It worked out alright though, because we all prepared food together. The first two to arrive were The Ex and one of our mutual friends. I told The Ex that he could bring his new Girlfriend, but he declined. Oh well. I don't know why I would want to put m

yself through that anyway. Next to arrive was the roommate- boyfriendless. She said her boyfriend would be there shortly. We all began to prepare food when the 19 year old finally showed.

I started to get really nervous. I mean my Ex-boyfriend in the same room with the new guy I am seeing... originally I thought they would be the one's uncomfortable, but for some reason, I think I was the only one who felt that way while the two were in the same room.

19 year old asked me how he was going to be introduced, and if he was to say that he was my boyfriend. Shit. I hadn't thought about introductions. I told him that he could say his name, and just introduce himself that way. However, he didn't get to do that, because when we walked in the house together I nervously stammered "Eh... this is my friend, 19 year old". I think that is what started to make him feel uncomfortable in the first place.

He kind of stood by the door while we all prepared food in my kitchen. He started text messaging and didn't say much until he told us he "left his camera in his car" and wanted to go get it. He said he would be right back. Well, in that time frame, all of the food was prepared, eaten, a few games were played, Speed Dumper kept text messaging me, and the mutual friend of Ex and I Left. I called him- he said he was coming back, but I was starting to have my doubts. Roommate's boyfriend arrived and Ex left.

So for a short time it was just Roommate, Her boyfriend, and myself... oh, and Speed Dumper, if you consider his constant presence on my phone during the night. Then 19 finally came back. He told us some (more than likely bullshit) story about how he got back and his ex-girlfriend was there and how it was a big mess and he had to call the cops...blah blah fucking blah.

There was really no conversation going on. So Roommate's Boyfriend and I engaged in one about trendy friends. Let me also give you this 'lil disclosure: the only thing 19 talked about all night was motorcycles and biking (oh, and when he defended my younger brother's use of the N word). This in mind... Ok, so, I get a text message...I think it is the Speed Dumper guy, but no! It is 19. What? I am sitting right next to him! Why would he be text messaging me when we are sitting next to each other? What possibly could he say?

"I didn't come here to talk about TRENDS with your friends, I came here to see you".

HOLD THE FUCK UP MISTER!!! This is a dinner party. This is not a dinner for two- shit, I would make you pay for that if it was. Sorry we don't like, and can't talk about motorcycles- they don't interest us (aside maybe from Roommate's Boyfriend). So shut the fuck up. And besides, whenever I go to your house you are always playing video games with friends, and I have to wait around an hour watching you play your lame ass video games. You don't think that bores the hell out of me? But do I say anything? Do I tell you that that is boring and your friends are lame? Fuck no, because I have respect fucking baby. RESPECT! And the other day when I came over, we went and had lunch and then went back to your house but you already had a friend there, waiting to go dirt biking- did I fucking complain when you abruptly ditched me? Helllllls No fuck tard. And lastly, these are my friends. I like them better than you. I have known you for...um, 6 weeks maybe- They have years on your sorry ass. So I text message him: "If you don't like my friends, you can leave". He did.

So there was some awkward tension in the room, but Speed Dumper decides he wants to come over. Great. I told him, I guess I have nothing to lose, seeing as most of my guests have left by now, so why not? He came over. We played a short version of Cranium (he was self-proclaimed a "Pro" and "Awesome" and "I want him on my team"). I chose my roommate to be on my team, and we kicked the boys ASS! It was amazing. I think they answered one question by the time we got around the board. Suckas. At least my friends liked this one better than the last one. Which was all I was asking, really.

Roommate and her boyfriend left. I was alone with Speed Dumper. I kicked him out after a half hour. I told him not to make any moves, and he could not stay over. I timed that half hour to the minute. He left.

The dinner party was over. I was pretty sure I had broke up with 19, and now I had this guy, Speed Dumper, texting me non-stop. One thing I realized about who I wanted to date, at this point, was: they have to like my friends. Being as I like my friends, I like hanging out with them, and I have known them longer (plus, I have to live with Roommate, so why would I want to chose a guy over her)? If you don't like them- don't openly criticize them to me. That is one way to find yourself to the door fast. That, and don't date a 19 year old if you are 22 (unless you are my Roommate and find a good one).

An Explanation

So I suppose I have some (as Ricky Ricardo would say) "splainin" to do.

It started about six months or so ago- when I ended my relationship of two-and-a-half years. If curiosity is really killing you, and you simply must know why- it was over drug use (he the user, I was the one who was not O.K. with it). During the entire two year period I overlooked some of my own values to keep this guy- but enough was finally enough. He started "dabbling" in drugs that I was not comfortable with. The way I see it (and I say this because I gave him fair warning that we would be through should he continue with his drug use), was that he chose his escapism over me. I wasn't happy, so I ended it.

Now I find myself here: 22, single, living in Seattle. I have never really "dated" before. I always seem to find myself in some sort of relationship, and I don't know how I got there. The allure of dating has finally caught up to me. I realized, hell, I don't have to settle- by dating, I am going to be able to more accurately see what I want in a future relationship. It is exciting. It is new. It is fresh. And what a better way to start my new life- in my new apartment, just on the outskirts of my college education?

Point being: I am sick of settling for the next best thing... but I don't know how to find (let alone approach) the best thing. This is all part of the mission, I suppose.

In the meantime there are a cast of stable characters (to better represent the dramady my life has become):

Myself... Hopeless Heroine/Repeat offender.

The Ex... Still good friends with- I mean, we shared almost every moment of the past few years together.

The Wifey... A friend with the same namesake as myself, who is one of the only people to jump in and join the shenanigans that have become my dating life.

The Roommate (and her boyfriend/various friends)... Ok, so this is actually my future roommate (will be starting September), but for simplicities sake, we will refer to her in the present tense.

And of course, the setting:

Various Coffee shops: Bauhaus, Vivace, Mr. Spots...

Bars: In different locations- Freemont, Belltown, Ballard, The Ave, Capital Hill...etc

And finally, an assortment of restaurants, pubs, stores, or what ever comes up.

So now the search begins...