Dating is supposed to be quick and painless...but how quick is too quick?
Enter new character: The One Date Stand
Something unexplainably bizarre happened today. I was supposed to see a movie with the Speed Dumper (known also, for the sake of anonymity, as psycho). I text messaged him and asked him whether or not we were still on to watch Wall-E tonight. His response, and I quote: "Absolutely not! My ex-girlfriend is letting me stay at her house tonight, so I can not go". In my mind...and maybe this is just how twisted and off-kilter my mind is
, I presume that this means our plans are canceled. In light of this recent development, I decide to call my Wifey and make dinner, possibly Bauhaus plans with her instead. We make plans, and not ten minutes later Psycho text messages me this "You know, maybe I will just cancel my plans tonight and hang out with you anyhow". My response is "I hate to report this, but I have already made plans now. Sorry, I just move quickly". And then there was some sort of humorous text-banter back and fourth between the two of us...me- thinking he understood that I made plans because he made plans. In fact, I told him to not cancel his plans and we could just take a rain check again (because originally I was going to see the goddamn movie by myself, and when I let him know my plans, he wanted to go- the problem was, he was unavailable for the night, so I postponed my plans once, and now found myself doing it again).
He did not seem to understand this. His text messages became more rapid and angrier as time went on. He would text me things like "sorry, but I don't take rain checks twice"; to which I would have to reply with "Hey asshole, maybe you forget, but I was the one taking two rain checks. Idiot.".
He also kept telling me that he was not going to be part of my "bag of men that I could dispose of at will". First off, I don't have a literal or metaphorical bag of men. I just don't. Secondly, if I did HE would not be in it. Whatsoever. I had known him for probably no more than 2 hours. Max. We were hardly even acquaintances, on the outside of being friends, and in no way would this guy have ever been date material for me. In fact, when we played Cranium together, we were not even on the same team! This said and known, the riddle becomes as such: how can you possibly "break-up" with someone after knowing them for two hours and all that is encompassed in that statement right there? You can't. So why was this psycho telling me it was over?
I quit answering his text messages. He was getting fed up with that. In response, he started to crack and text me things like "maybe we could compromise. I have a short window of time tonight, maybe we can hang out for those hours". Hey dumb fuck: NO. I received almost 20 text messages from him with in 2 hours. That is 20 too many. I think part of it was that he was trying to find somewhere to stay for the night, and me- not biting his bate- left him homeless. Another point of clarification should be made: I wasn't going to let him sleep on my couch (or anywhere else for that matter) anyway. He was barking up the wrong tree.
After that, I found myself at Bauhaus (second time in a day!) with my Wifey. She sympathized with me, or so I think.
A day or so ago I put up a personal ad on the stranger's website. I got a response earlier today from a guy with his cell number in it. I looked at his profile (not really my exact type), but decided to go with it anyway. So I text messaged him my number. A few hours later I got a call from him. I wasn't expecting something that soon. Even more unexpected was the fact that he wanted to meet up in an hour or so. I thought, "What the hell? Throw caution into the wind, right"? And so I decided to go. My Wifey stayed at Bauhaus.
Or dinner date was at a Mexican restaurant we found on the Ave. I was really indecisive about where I wanted us to eat. Truth be told, I was not hungry at all. Maybe it is just me, but I think it makes sense for the person who will be doing the eating, or the primary eating, to chose what they would like. It wasn't so on this date. I wasn't thrilled with Mexican food (for my own personal dinner earlier that night I ate chips and guacamole), but I was sick of having to come up with something. I payed for my own cheese quesadilla (which was $3, so it really wasn't like he couldn't have sprung for it...I'm sure). What ever. I didn't mind because it got me of the obligatory hook, so to speak.
We talked about things- why he was driving a rental car (because of a car accident, not his fault apparently), him being an unemployed graphic artist, his skateboarding interests, my taste in movies and how I like to make costumes. Those sorts of things.
After dinner we took a walk back to my place. It was hot so we sat in my room by the fan. I think this is where he ultimately passed judgement on me (If we were playing Family Feud, this would be the category "Things that a 12 year old boy might have in his room). We stayed there about 10 minutes before he got "tired" and wanted to go home. He said he had a rough day skateboarding. I didn't care all that much. In truth, he was really nice and friendly and reminded me of one of my friends who I had a crush on at one point in time- but I could tell he was uninterested.
Being as I left my car at Bauhaus, he was forced to give me a ride back to it. As I went to get out of the car, we half hugged. It was a very awkward and uncomfortable hug. I went back into Bauhaus (ooooh, three times today now), and to my surprise, my Wifey was still there. We hung out and talked about my date. I text messaged One Date Stand and said "I had a good time. Thanks for rescuing me from my Bauhaus abode. If you ever want to hang out again, well, I guess you have my number now".
It has been a while now and he hasn't responded. Truthfully, I didn't expect him to. I could tell by the hug that he wasn't interested, just trying to be polite. And another one's gone, and another one's gone and another one bites the dust. Looking back- I was probably too eager. I was just genuinely excited and nervous. He was pretty cool and really nice (and compared to recent dates, the best one so far). I guess that is my lesson for the day- calm down and don't be overly excited. It is less creepy that way.
Well, two potential dates blown with in the course of four hours. It's for the best.
I deleted Psychos number. I deleted 19 year old's number. I deleted the One Date Stand's number. All in a nights work.
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